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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?